Spring's Coming...PANIC

We all have times when we are feeling somewhat lazy. We forgive ourselves for skipping a workout (or two...or like 18...) and we indulge in some good food. We tell ourselves "we deserve it" or "we need a break," or "we need to decompress."

These are the times when we find our ass seems to grow wide and flat- resembling a couch cushion and stuff that resembles cottage cheese begins to form on every corner of our bodies.

It's easy to come up with excuses. The cold weather. Your "hormones." A slight and fleeting pain in your finger. Your dog threw up. You could catch a cold from removing the blanket you've draped over yourself on the couch. Whatever.

But then the sun peeks out and you open your day planner and realize that bathing suit season is like weeks away and you start to panic.

You run upstairs and look in the mirror and realize the body you worked so hard for and were so proud of last summer is...gone. Vanished under a layer of digested french fries and couch-sitting. There's no way around it and no tankini you find on Pinterest is going to hide it.

So you start to make a mental plan. The diet. The workouts. The early morning jogs. You think, "it's only March, I can TOTALLY shed these pounds before May. No prob."

Then you relax and...sit back down on the couch. Eat a french fry. And think about how great your plan is. You even set a reminder in your phone that reads "Hey fatty! Go work out!" You hope it will work.

And until May arrives bringing bbqs and pool parties and SHORTS...you'll try. And try and try. And maybe, just maybe, pull off a miracle.

Did I mention you can kiss my sweet white ass?

I'm feeling bitter. And annoyed. And depressed. And frankly, I don't want to hear it from those who tell me to keep my chin up. I am sick of keeping my chin up. If I want to pout and scream and throw things then I am going to pout and scream and throw things. If you don't like it, come at me bro. Walk in my shoes for one day and see if you don't also want to yell and scream and throw things.

Bad news on Friday. Really it's just more of the same. I should be used to this. I should be a god damn professional at this.

Yeah yeah yeah I know. I "have lots of blessings" and I "should be grateful" and all that feel good nonsense. Well I KNOW. I KNOW I should be all of those things but can we just drop the pretense for two effing seconds and be REAL here?

I'm exhausted! I'm tired of the bullshit and I am tired of everyone pretending all the time. Just drop the show and be authentic and raw for two seconds. Please.

This is getting old!

Does this post have a point?!?!?! NO!

Rant over.

The "Icks"

A good old fashioned case of "the Icks." We all know what I am talking about. It's that winter feeling you get when the days are all running together as a mass of grey and your house is starting to feel like a prison. Every time you glance outside you wonder how on earth any wildlife survives this time of year. You feel unmotivated, kinda slow, and realize you are in a form of human-hibernation. Your skin is a nice shade of pasty and everything is starting to have that grey hue that comes from too much salt on the roads. Physiologically you start to feel like getting out of bed is truly an unnatural feeling and every time you glance at the calendar and see the seemingly endless days of January, February and March trudge by you want to hit the "snooze" button of life.

Those are "the Icks." And we have them. All of us. I haven't seen one person around who doesn't have a look of desperation on their faces for anything that might even hint at the end of winter. People are are downright pissed that it's March and white stuff is still falling from the sky. Sure, we will take a March snowstorm, but usually it's accompanied by a couple days here or there of temps above at LEAST 45 degrees. Instead we've had nothing but sub zero temps and dreary skies. 

I think I speak for all of us when I say I've had enough of "the Icks," and it's about time winter got voted off the island.